


Kanye In Thedas

by fnuckle



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Kanye West (Musician)
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, Lyrically Trapped Inquisitor, MCIT Challenge, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Kanye in Thedas, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:40:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7736371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fnuckle/pseuds/fnuckle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanye West finds himself in Thedas as the Inquisitor, and can only speak using his own lyrics from his songs.</p><p>For the Modern Character in Thedas Prompt Week. A collection of random scenes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanye finds himself in Thedas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The MCIT prompt challenge can be found [here](http://ecarius.tumblr.com/post/148749156115/some-of-my-new-friends-in-the-modern-characters-in)  
> The challenge week hasn't officially started yet but I'm posting this now anyways. 'Cause I can't help myself.  
> There might be a couple of instances that he does not speak using his own lyrics, but it will still be referencing lines he's either spoken or tweeted before.
> 
> I'm marking this as only seven chapters for now because there are only seven prompts, but if there is a specific Kanye in Thedas scene you'd like to see or a good idea that you think would be fun, leave me a comment or send it to me on [my blog](http://livinginthedas.tumblr.com/) and I might consider adding it. 
> 
> From the Prompt:
> 
> DAY 1:  
> OPTION 1: A first meeting.  
>  ~~OPTION 2: Between Origins and Inquisition, we’ve explored Fereldan, Orlais, Kirkwall, and a little beyond that. Write a scene set in one of the countries/cities we hadn’t seen in game.~~

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you.”

Kanye attempted to stand up, spluttering nonsense as he did so. Cassandra was not having that. She pushed him down, grabbing his left wrist in the process.

“Explain this,” she sneered, only a couple inches from his face.

A single bead of sweat dripped down the side of Kanye’s head. He had to think very hard about what he was going to say next.

“Life of a Don, lights keep glowing. Coming in the club with that fresh shit on. With something crazy on my arm.”

Cassandra dropped her hold of him. “You are not making sense!” She yelled. “Tell me the truth!” She reached back as if to strike him, but Leliana quickly intervened.

“We need him, Cassandra,” Leliana reminded her.

Kanye stayed silent.

“Do you remember what happened?” Leliana asked him seriously. “How this began?”

Kanye put both hands on his face and shook his head violently. “I've been outta my mind a long time. I've been outta my mind a long time. I’ve been saying how I feel at the wrong time. Might not come when you want but I'm on time.”

Cassandra and Leliana gave each other a Look.

Cassandra sighed. “Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take him to the rift.”

Leliana left without a word.

“Do you know anything of the Breach?” Cassandra asked.

Kanye shook his head no.

“It will be easier to show you.”

She quickly replaced his manacles with a rope before leading him outside. As soon as Kanye saw the breach he began shouting.

“What the fuck right now?” Kanye yelled at nobody in particular, gesturing wildly at the sky. “What the fuck right now? What the, what the fuck right now?”

Suddenly the Breach pulsed, and the anchor on his hand flared in response. He dropped to his knees with a scream. Cassandra came up behind him.

“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads… and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this but there isn’t much time.”

Kanye gave her a long, hard look. He looked down at his hand, the sky, then back to Cassandra before finally giving her a slow, hesitant nod.

“We ain’t got nothing to lose, motherfucker we rolling.” He said seriously.

Cassandra gave him an exasperated look. “I do not know what in the world that is supposed to mean. Speak normally!”

Kanye shook his head no. Because he couldn’t speak normally. He was trapped by his own lyrical genius.

“Motherfucker we rolling!” He repeated himself, beginning to walk away. Cassandra still wasn’t sure why the bizarre man spoke like that, but she got the hint. Still, she wasn’t happy about his crudeness, but right now, that was not important.

They were quiet as they walked through the town until Cassandra noticed that Kanye was matching the villagers angry stares with a challenging one of his own.

“They have decided your guilt,” She explained. “They need it. The people of Haven mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers. It was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now, they are dead.”

Kanye shrugged his shoulders. “Screams from the haters, got a nice ring to it. I guess every superhero need his own theme music.”

“What is a super-- No. Do not answer that. There is no time for this nonsense. Ugh.”

They stopped for a moment as the soldiers opened Haven’s front gate.

“We lash out, like the sky. But we must think beyond ourselves, as she did. Until the breach is sealed.”

She pulled out a small dagger.

“There will be a trial,” she said as she cut off the ropes from his arms. “I can promise no more.”

She began walking towards the bridge as soon as she was done, motioning for him to follow. “Come. Where we are going is not far.”

“Huh?” Kanye stood still, which made Cassandra stop while she was still only a few paces away.

“Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the breach. Follow me, we do not have much time.”

Kanye blinked at Cassandra, but still he did not move.

“Ugh.” She turned around and began marching back towards the bridge. “Either you follow me now,” she shouted without turning her head, “Or I will come back there and drag you up the mountain myself.”

Kanye only stood still for another second. He looked down at his hands again, clenching his left fist over the glowing green mark.

“No one man should have all that power...” He whispered, and then he was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanye Lyrics taken from these tracks--  
> ["Barry Bonds"](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-barry-bonds-lyrics)  
> ["Feedback"](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-feedback-lyrics)  
> ["Freestyle 4"](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-freestyle-4-lyrics)  
> ["Power"](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-power-lyrics)
> 
> Also, Kanye is kind of known to say "huh" a lot in his songs. Like I guess it's kind of his thing? So I added it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAY 2:  
>  ~~OPTION 1: A culture shock.~~  
>  OPTION 2: There’s a lot of problems we tend to gloss over in MCIT fics: periods, **_language barriers_** , etc. Make your OC face one of these issues head-on.  
> Alright it's kind of a stretch but language barrier works for this right? RIGHT??
> 
> Oh yeah, just wanna say, unless said otherwise in the fic, he says all his lines exactly like he does within his songs.

People did not know what to do with the bizarre man known as the Herald of Andraste. Some despised him, calling him insane and nonsensical, and still others were only more intrigued by his odd behavior. Indeed, Kanye could often be seen roaming Haven muttering absurdities that no one else understood. Sometimes the littlest of things set him off, other times he completely ignored anything not within his own head.

Despite his peculiarities, there was a certain sincerity to him. This was a good thing, because it was possibly the only thing that kept the advisors (but mostly Cassandra) from throttling him out of frustration.

It was Leliana who realized that despite his... odd speech, it wasn’t always irrelevant nonsense. When they asked him his name, for example, he was set off into another one of his performances.  

“I miss the old Kanye, straight from the 'Go Kanye,” He started. They were in the war room. Roderdick was there, and was blubbering something about how this idiot needed to be locked up. Kanye ignored him, jumping on top of the table and punching the air to punctuate each line.

“Chop up the soul Kanye, set on his goals Kanye, I hate the new Kanye, the bad mood Kanye, the always rude Kanye, spaz in the news Kanye, I miss the sweet Kanye, chop up the beats Kanye, I gotta say, at that time I'd like to meet Kanye,” he shouted. Cullen was desperately trying to save the small metal pieces from being trampled, while Josephine started to roll up the map to keep it from getting dirty boot marks. Roderdick was red in the face from the calamity, trying to yell that this was _exactly_ why he needed to be locked up, but his squawking was drowned out by Cassandra, who was shouting at the top of her lungs for him to _Get Down From There This Instant._ Leliana was the only one who was undisturbed, watching the scene unfold calmly as Kanye continued to ignore everyone and stomp around the table, his arms still flailing as he shouted.

“See I invented Kanye, it wasn't any Kanyes, and now I look and look around and there's so many Kanyes!! I used to love Kanye, I used to love Kanye, I even had the pink Polo, I thought I was Kanye!” He twirled around and did an odd shimmy no one in the room had ever seen the likes of before. “What if Kanye made a song, about Kanye? Called "I Miss The Old Kanye," man that would be so Kanye, that's all it was Kanye, we still love Kanye.”

He jumped off the table, turning to face everyone as a collective sigh of relief ran through the room. Kanye put his arms up as everyone gaped at him in silence.

“And I love you like Kanye loves Kanye,” he whispered.

Then he crossed his arms and shut the hell up. No one knew what to say. The only sound in the room was from Cassandra, who was panting from all the effort she put into shouting at him. Roderdick looked like he was about to pass out, Cullen in between baffled and pissed, and Josie looked scandalized.

Leliana had her hand on her chin, a small smile growing into a larger one as she spoke. “I think his name is Kanye,” she said simply. After a beat, Cassandra let out a loud _UGH,_ and shook her head. Kanye just continued to stand there. He really did not give a shit what these people thought of him. He’s Kanye fucking West.

He stayed silent throughout the rest of the meeting, too. Much to Roderdicks displeasure, Kanye was NOT put in chains, and the Inquisition was reborn.

The next time someone asked him his name, he shouted “YEEZY YEEZY YEEZY JUST JUMPED OVER JUMPMAN,” before running off. The time after that, “Rockstar bitch, call me Elvis.” This led to some confusion about what his name was, but they decided that in reality it was Kanye. Varric was the only one who called him Elvis though. When Kanye heard him refer to him by that the first time, he very gently patted the dwarfs head. Varric didn’t know whether to be offended or what, but it seemed to be sincere so he let it go. He was going to have a _lot_ of writing material once this was over. Aside from Varric, everyone else just stuck to calling the crazy man “The Herald”.

Most people didn’t know what to do with him, or how to react, but aside from the dissenters, his behavior just made his notoriety grow. Many were curious, and word spread quickly throughout Ferelden, Orlais, and beyond. Eventually a Chantry sister requested his presence in the Hinterlands. All the advisors could do was hope Kanye didn't fuck it up too bad. But this was Kanye West. Anything could happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs:  
> [I Love Kanye](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-i-love-kanye-lyrics)  
> [Facts (Charlie Heat Version) ](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-facts-charlie-heat-version-lyrics)  
> (Because that's obviously the superior version)  
> [Send It Up](http://genius.com/Kanye-west-send-it-up-lyrics)


End file.
